Woven stories of my childhood abuse.
Since you mention it, what ever did happen to him? Did he go to jail? Did his family find out?
No, he never did go to jail. He just happened to be an ex-probabtion and parole officer and knew what strings to pull after SRS and the police came to depose me. I will probably write about this, but in short he and my mother covered things up-siad I was lying. It was a massive act of neglect on the state's part to leave me there for four more years. I later tried to pursue punitive action, but I was not in any files anywhere!Hs family found out because my brother and I told them! It surprised me, though it should not have, that they were indifferent. I still run into them in the summers at the camp. I think they are uncomfortable around me and I don't care. I go there to swim and try to recapture what healing the lake brought and the sun infused. He died in his young 60's of a massive heart attack. Just dropped dead. I went to his funeral. Maybe i will write about that next... :)
Hi there. I have been following your blog and it's really powerful stuff. I am amazed at the guts it takes for you to come out with this. I was wondering if I could share your blog with some friends and colleagues who are in education and/or counseling? I think they might find it very helpful.Peace.
PLEASE, please, please do! That is what this is all about! I would be so honored. Thank you for recognizing the need to give words to this stuff. :) Cairn
Having just spent a couple of hours reading your amazing story, I am so angry this happens! Anything like this was so far removed from the idyllic childhood I experienced...Yet, it makes me think back to my school days now and the handful of sullen kids, with a mask of hair as you describe yours, unable to look their peers in the eye, and wonder if a similar horror was happening to them. It makes me feel so sad. I was in a parallel world and perhaps I could have helped. Thank you for sharing your stories. Wendy
Hi W,A couple of wonderful things:1.You grew up happy- the way all people deserve to be.2.You are able and willing to see the other half and that benefits all.There is no way at the time that you could have helped or my guess is that you would have. This is a crazy and insidious plague we are talking about. To this day, people still don't know what to do or how to talk about it. Thank you for reading, and please do pass it along- that is a good way to help! :)Cairn
Hi Cairn, I just wanted you to know that I have read every one of your posts. I check in every few days and catch up. It continues to be hard for me to read but your experiences and the way you write compel me to continue. Thank you for stirring emotions in me that I do not frequently feel, thank you for keeping me up at night (that i meant sincerely not sarcastic) thinking of ways to help in my own community. It is hard for me to believe that this was happening to you down the street from my "little house on the praire" upbringing. I pray for your continued healing as you write and thank you for sharing your life.
HI Becky!Thank you so much for reading and working through the discomfort for the cause, so many people will avoid unpleasantries and I am so grateful that you are looking right at it and hoping to be able to employ a way to help out in your community. I will look for some links that contain ideas. If you find any- please do pass along. You were always very kind to me way back then and still today. Thank you, kind soul. <3 Cairn
Hello, Cairn. I found the link to your story thanks to someone dear to me. I am nearly 60, my own story now nearly 50 yrs in the past. I went through almost 18 yrs. of therapy--but not until almost 20 yrs after the end of my experiences. I tell people all the time that PTSD isn't just for military veterans--thank you for supporting that very idea! But thank you a thousand times more for bringing this horror in to the light, for letting others know that not only is it okay to "tell" but that we MUST tell others if anything is to be done not only to stop this enslavement but to help us to heal.
Hi!I am so glad to hear that someone shared my blog. That is what it is here for. PTSD is very real for survivors of abuse, rape victims, etc. Thank you for supporting the facts as well!Did you know that the idea of repressed memories is still up for debate? I have learned a lot by linking to resources and that one surprised me. It aslo showed me that we have a long way to go to get peoples' eyes to open and their brains focused on this epidemic. Please keep reading and sharing my blog.Your years of horror are now of service, just as mine are.:) CAirn
Hello again, Cairn. It took me a week to come back to this, in part because I'm much too busy for comfort these days but also because I wasn't sure that I wanted to. The memories are what they are; I have moved away from them and wasn't sure with what force they might return. I read today about your relationship with your daughter and recalled how, when my first child was only a few weeks old, I saw my abuser by chance. To my husband's surprise, I insisted we drive over to him. I didn't leave the safety of the car, but introduced that man to my son. I recall thinking 'See, you didn't completely destroy me as you tried to do. I've gone on with my life. I have a husband. I have a child. And you're not part of it.' I wonder today what made me do that. But at the time, it seemed to "shift the balance of power." For once, in the presence of that man, it was I who was empowered rather than powerless. Thank you for reminding me of that.
I was very proud of my kind husband and beautiful daughter too. I remember him seeing us one day and I had that moment of "look at me, despite your tyranny". Then i just didn't care. I liked the second part best! :) Thank you for reading and hopefully sharing. Yes, please do be careful as and if you read- got to be ready for triggers. Happy easter to you, fellow survivor!