About This Blog

Writing these stories is very healing and I am always looking for ways to sooth my soul, but I am not writing these entries in for catharsis. I truly feel that I closed the book on those painful years a good five years ago. Yes, it will always be with me. A good friend of mine who recently sustained a head injury and has her own wonderfully informative blog reminded me that people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder often have long standing brain deficits. I take medications every day that I could not live without. I make adjustments in my life in order to keep a calm mind and body. I flinch when things come too near me too fast and so on and so forth. These things are for forever and sometimes that pisses me off, but I don't liken it to my life being destroyed anymore. Sometimes I get a little down on myself for not being a high-powered something -or -other. Then I remember that I am lucky to be alive. I am lucky that my daughter is such a wonderful and inspirational young woman and that my husband supports and loves me always. I have incredible friends and family.

My mother is still alive. My step-father and my dad have both passed. My mom knows about this blog and supports it (yes,with trepidation!)  She is not the same mother you read about in these stories. She has changed immensely. She is loving and caring and has done work to understand the effects of her actions on me and my brother. Since I believe that what happens to one person happens to all people, I appreciate her sincere effort to be open -minded  and just plain good of heart because that effects everyone. 

This is about a road that so many people have  been down. It's about how people act. It is also about how people change. My journey has been long and arduous. Everyone in my path has been along for a hell of a ride. If I can take some people along with me now, as a healed woman, then this journey is truly magical. This is about ripping off the veil of shame that is so prevalent in our culture when it comes to child abuse. There are many things that our society is good at ignoring or belittling, but I believe that sexual abuse is the most quieted monster. It is the 21st century- a time that seemed mystical back in the 70's.  So many things have changed- look at the technologies, the advances in science, the way we are impacted by media and yet, NOTHING has changed in terms of really exposing the facts about sexual abuse and how insidious the psychological effects are. There is still unmitigated shame. People still can't put sentences together that describe sexual abuse experiences because it feels weird. We don't do "weird" well as a culture. No one has really gone past the discomfort of this subject in order to put it on the table for dissection. It is no wonder there is still so much toxicity within families- their legacies are still a mystery. It is no wonder the statistics on the fatalities and wreckage due to this unkempt mess is skyrocketing.

Recently a younger friend of mine wrote to me that after reading this blog. He/She is seeking healing from his/her past. If I died today after reading that, I would be as happy as I have ever been.

If I can do one small thing to rip a hole in the facade I am glad to expose my life. Please pass my blog to as many people as possible. Please dare to talk about sexual abuse. Much more than that, please dare to do something about it.


  1. Dear Cairn,
    Thank you for creating your "Get This" blog.

    It is horrible and sad what you went through, yet you are also showing us your success in dealing with your abuse, and the strong and whole person you have become.

    I've been friends and lovers with a number of abused women--far more than it seems should be possible statistically, including one whose biological father raped her throughout her teenage years and who's mother would not believe her, etc.

    By being public, you are giving courage and voice to others who can't--at least not yet. On top of that, you write very well, and I'm amazed how much you can remember.

    In short, "thank you, thank you!" and I wish you all the best. I've forwarded your blog to some people for whom I think it will be meaningful.

    With admiration, gratitude, and warm regards,

  2. Thank you from me as well.
    You are a truly courageous and brilliant person. :-)


  3. Hi Cairn, I don't know you but came upon your blog and read it daily now. You are sooo brave. and beautiful inside and out. I am not your typical reader (I never endured any abuse, never did drugs) but your words are so heartbreaking and powerful I find myself wanting to learn about your journey and if anything perhaps I would know signs to look for in the children I meet along the way....signs I would otherwise be oblivious to. I really believe you are doing more with your life than so many many people are -- say those who were dealt every materialistic/financial advantage and never find any real happiness. I admire your strength and your rare sheer honesty.

    You are making a difference, that I am sure.

    1. Wonderful! I love that you did not have to endure abuse, but that you are willing to look at it. This is one of my goals- to speak to EVERYONE. If you are interested in what to look for in children that might be abused, please do ( I am sure you already have), check out my resources tab and links after stories.
      Funny, I sit in front of my computer all day and write and network for the cause, but i feel like I can never do enough. I am constantly sticking my nose into other blogs etc., hoping to find a way to get really active! I can tell you that though I am by no means close to rich monetarily, I am rich in blessings and a new life.
      I can't tell you how timely your comment is. I have slumps, wondering if any of this matters, at times and I was in one. I will keep on.
      :) Cairn

  4. K (Cairn) ... its ok to have the "slumps."

    If it were a matter of "entitlement"—which I know you might take issue with)— I would say you are perhaps the most entitled to those "slumps". But, we all have them.

    Take breaks from it when you feel the need; take the time to regroup and return.

    What you are doing is wonderful. It's beautiful! It's so pure, genuine and honest.

    And ... It's so K! :)

    As usual, your reasoning and manner of expressing it is also truly outstanding. It would be so easy for one to fall in love with your mind! There is a PhD in there even if it was not earned in a classroom.

    BRILLIANT? Someone said (I read them all) that you are "brilliant". As I recall, I said that in 2005 and I suggested then that you should be on track for that PhD. However, no PhD degree would enable anyone to explain and tell about you and your life experiences they way you so exquisitely and competently tell it and how you project from there the implications for society and offer help to any individual who faces child abuse problems.

    AN ARTIST? One commenter said you were a great "artist". And if they only knew! In the broadest sense of the term "artist", I agree: you are a wonderful artist and your comprehension of life and living is, in many respects, beyond the comprehension or imagination of the average person. You are a unique wonder and those who follow this log will (if not already) come to see that and feel it and know it. You are "for real"! But, just do it at your leisure and your own pace; don't feel pressured to "work" on this log. Just when the "spirits" move you and you feel up to doing it!

    Again, sorry I was so late to come discover your log! It's great!

    Fl & NC

  5. Thank you for sharing your pain. I'm sure your stories will help other people who have been through abuse. I am one of them.