Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Do-over

I am 24 years old.  In the past year I have met and  married my prince.  I have been kept safe inside his father's fortress while he and a crew are building our home next door.  It is almost too much to believe, but every morning I awaken in a clean bed- I shower, eat healthy food and read his love note before getting on with my day.  I have put on some healthy weight for the first time in my life and my skin is a palette of soft rose upon olive hue. 


Today I am more tired than usual as I butter some toast and settle myself at the table.  I realize, with some urgency, that I haven't been to the bathroom yet this morning.  Lately it has been all I can do to wait until morning so I am one day closer to finding out whether I am pregnant or not.  Today would be two days too early to use a test, so I am in no rush.  It has been almost a year and I know better than to rush such things.  Pregnancy test are expensive on our meager earnings. 


I pee on the stick anyway.  I want a baby so badly that many times, even at the risk of a stern look from my husband, I am compulsive in this manner.   I fully expect that it will be a red minus sign, as usual.  I will go to the store later and replace the test- he won't know.


I finish up and leave the stick on a piece of wadded up toilet paper and leave in search of warm socks.  I am calm, but a tiny tickle erupts inside as it always does when the last minute is up- even after all of this time.  In the bathroom I pick up the stick and watch the moist window begin to show a symbol.  The red line of a negative sign is drawing itself again.  I sigh and look at myself in the mirror- next month maybe.  I glance once more at the stick on my way to the trash can.  What I see washes me with euphoria.  My dream of becoming a mother- of being everything for my child that my parents never were for me- is now as real as the plus sign that is slowly developing in front of my eyes.  I am certain in this moment that no one on this earth could be more blessed than I am now.  There is a new life within me.  There is a new life for me. 


2 comments:

  1. This makes my heart swell with love <3

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    1. My daughter is my saving grace. My heart swells every moment of every day. :)

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