Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Left Behind

I am 14 years old. It is the day after I have been to the therapist's office.  The Social Rehabilitative people have been here and I have been questioned. I do not remember the questions or my answers. I am more afraid than I have ever been because I know I am never supposed to tell. Those people are crafty and I think tay have made me say things that have caused some problems. My step-father has to move out of the house. This should feel good, I think.  But I can only feel lead pumping through my veins- so heavy. I am so tired.

The police follow on the heals of the SRS. More questions and more answers I am not really giving my mouth permission to say. Something is telling me that it's over, but it's too incredible to believe. This is my life. This is what I know. Who am I outside of this prison?

Weeks pass by and he is still here.  He is staying in a room downstairs. My mother has made a rule that I can be downstairs for part of the evening and he can come out for the rest. We can all live under the same roof and say we aren't.  He has not come near me. My days are very different without his constant influence. I am a puppy let off the leash. I have no idea what to do as I stand there in my collar. I can only stay near the leash and hope it will continue to be my guide- even if it's him who picks it back up for what else do I know? But that does not happen and though I am somewhat free from his iron fist right now, I miss it. I am sad for him. He is all alone in his room. No one loves him. My mother won;t speak to him. He is dejected and I know how that feels. He has been my constant companion, for good or for bad and I cannot imagine my life without him.

It doesn't matter if I ever get my head right about all of this because the police and the SRS people never return. They never make him move out. They leave me there with him for 3 more years as though they had never come. One day I will come to find out that certain strings were pulled and lies were told. Another one of thousands of pitiful, greasy-haired, worthless little girls has been left behind.

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